Dear Ainsley [5 weeks]

Dear Ainsley,

This week you hit your one month birthday! Hurray! It's funny how life can change in one month, and I was telling your papa last night that I almost can't imagine what life was like without you! It's crazy how that works. This coming week is my last full week at home with you until Christmas break... I'll be making a countdown asap I assume! I'm very grateful that when I do go back to school, you'll be spending your days with your Papa Bear and with your Grandma Massie [both of whom are very excited to having Ainsley days!]. I think the hardest part is going to be missing you. Seems obvious, eh? Well it's not just missing you, it's the idea of missing out on you. Missing out on your "firsts". Missing out on what you are doing day in and day out that right now, and for the last 5 weeks, my only job was to be a student of you, so I missed very little! It's that fear that others are going to know you better than I know you. I'm not looking forward to those feelings, but many moms before me have successfully dealt with it, so I'm sure I will to!

One thing you've been doing much more this week is blowing spit bubbles--and the occasional milk bubbles! I'm not sure if you know what you are doing or if it's something that is just "naturally" happen uncontrollable to you, but it excites me! Seems silly, I'm sure. But every time you do it, you remind me of an article I read that challenged me. Overall, the article, and the website as a whole, talks about the importance of avoiding "growing up" as we age. [Note: This means staying childlike not childish!] So I'm going to encourage your bubble blowing and one day, when you discover how to blow bubbles in your cup of milk using a straw, we'll likely make a bit of a mess blowing milk bubbles. P.S. Chocolate milk bubbles are so much greater than regular milk! ;)

Another fun thing that you are doing more and more is when you morph into taradactle mode. [This is an example of somthing that I think is kind of odd, but I just reassure myself it's normal. I really hope you are breathing fine and such!] We've told others about this, but you commonly only share this special talent with us, so I figured the world should getting to hear your made skills as well.

Sometimes I taradactle you back thinking it may be a special form of communication that we can share. Okay, I don't really think that, but I do do it!

Lastly this week on a more serious note, today you were dedicated and because I'm a day late in writing this, it counts for your 5 week letter! This morning along with another sweet baby girl and two lil' handsome boys, you were dedicated to God infront of the congregation of Lima Baptist Temple. When the opportunity arose, I knew I wanted to participate and if I were completely honest, it was more out of selfish reasons than for you. I don't think that having you dedicated makes you any better than another baby nor do I believe that God sees you and loves you any differently. The reason I wanted you to be dedicated because I knew they would ask your dad and me to make a promise. To promise to be a Christ-like example, to pray for you, to tell you about God, and to let you know that God loves you. Now am I those things/have I done them in the last 5 weeks? Yes, but likely not as much as I should and could. I wanted to make that commitment in front of the congregation to God and to you.

In addition to the specialness of having you dedicated this morning, there were a couple other "special" moments/things that happened today. When we told Grandmomma-cita that you were going to be dedicated, she dug up the outfit that I wore when I was baptized as a wee one. She of course said that you didn't need to wear it, but was offering it for you. It was purchased by Grandma Great--that'd be your Great-great Grandma Monfort--and I'm pretty sure she did a little embellishing for it by putting some ribbons along the bottom and sleeves. We had several options of what you could wear for your dedication, especially since we went to the Carter's outlet mall yesterday, but this morning when we were dressing you, I knew that if my outfit fit, that's what I wanted you to wear. Did it really matter? Of course not, but it reminds me of my friend's concept of a thousand little strings: by itself it might not be/mean too much, but with a thousand of those little things/strings, we've got a pretty strong bond. That's something I want for us more than anything else!

On your Dedication Day
in Mama's baptism outfit

After the church service, Grandmomma & Grandpa Clum, Grandma & Grandpa Massie, Great Grandma Cow, Uncle Jake, Aunt Joie, Sondra & Stuart, Aunt Sara, Uncle Scott & Aunt Jane, and Aunt Jess, Micah & Silas, came over to our house for a luncheon. I [and your papa] put a lot of thought and time into the lunch in your honor and even last night as we were doing all the finishing touches, I was having a conversation in my mind.

"She's not even going to know what's going on... but I will. And I will know I tried to make it special!"

I don't know what your birthdays, Christmases and other celebrations will look like, but I want you to know one thing: I will do what I can to make it special for you. Oftentimes how special something is isn't based on the gift or what can be observed, but rather the thought and the heart behind it. I hope you remember that as you going through life and have your own special moments and make others' moments special.

A year ago yesterday, your Great-Grandpa Clum passed away. Now he and Grandma have a tradition of giving the great-grandchildren a piggy bank. Well today, when Aunt Sara brought it for you she also told me that when Grandma would go out and get the bank, he would always empty out his pocket and whatever change was in there, he'd put in the piggy bank to start it off. Even though you didn't get the privelege of meeting your Great-Grandpa, Aunt Sara started your bank off with some money that was in Grandpa's drawer. Does it really matter that those coins belonged to him or does it make them more valuable? Not really, but there's a special bond or string that you now have.

Five months ago yesterday, your Great-Grandpa Cow Sidey passed away. He collected coins like silver dollars and such. Today, Grandma gave you a card to celebrate your dedication, and lo and behold a silver dollar was afixed inside. Now does it really matter that there was a silver dollar that belonged to him in there or does it make it worth anything more? Not really, but there's a special bond or string that you now have.

Ainsley-girl, you are so very loved. It was quite obvious by those who came to celebrate your Dedication today. Will you remember them being there or how it played out? Of course not, but know that each person here today wanted you to feel special today because they think know that you are special.

5 weeks [and 1 day]
You are getting so big!

Much love, Baby girl!
Your Lucky Mama