Dear Jacoby [3 weeks]

Dear Little Man,

Thanks to you, I am relearning what it means to slow down and allow life to direct my schedule. In some ways, I have forgotten what it's like to be on "newborn time"--a planned time to leave is quickly adjust to a feeding time or a diaper change time or a snuggle for a few more moments time. And little man, what I am being reminded more than anything is that is okay. If becoming a momma has taught me something, it has been patience and perspective.

Not that I would've considered myself a patient person prior to you and your sis--I just faked putting up with people at times!--since you've come into my world, my patience has definitely grown. Thank you for that and know that there will be plenty of days in the future when you are getting into something for the 100th time or dumping out the basket of toys I just put away, when you think my patience is non-existent. Just be thankful that you aren't dealing with "pre-momma patience"!

This past week, your sis has gone out to Grandma & Grandpa Massie's leaving just you and me at home. This was in part to have one-on-one time with you, and also time that I could more easily work on grad school work. Day one of you and me time: Zero grad work accomplished. Day 2? An outline of a task--that took way longer than I spent on it. Again, lil' man, I look into your tiny, bright eyes, count your ten long fingers and ten tiny toes, and am reminded, it's okay.

Ten perfect fingers.
Ten perfect toes.
Perfectly snuggled on my chest.

It's okay if my grad work takes longer than it should. It's okay if the dishes from the night before that your Papa washed because I didn't get to yesterday are still sitting clean in the sink. It's okay if I just kick the toys stung about the floor to the side, instead of actually making time to pick them up and put them into their proper place. It's okay if you and Ainsley's bedroom floor looks like it's made of books because we read through every.single.one with you and your sis filling my lap. It's okay if I feel like I've qualified for the Boston Marathon simply because we've all were bathed and in clean clothes and I actually do clean dirty dishes before your papa got home from work.

It's okay.

More than that, I'm reminding myself that it's wonderful! It's great because skipping out on completing the various tasks of housekeeping or [some days] getting dressed before 4pm means that I am not skipping out on you and Ainsley. Taking care of you while watching Ainsley grow and development is an evident reminder that before I know it, you will be running around, climbing on the kitchen table, saying "pleeeease" and "'ank youuu" while asking for "more" and to "waaaaatch" Monster Inc. It seems like yesterday we brought Ainsley home from the hospital and she's grown so quickly! I know you are going to grow just as quickly, so if passing on the dishes means that I get to soak up your presence more, then the dishes will wait--even if that means I have to kill of the ants they'll collect in ten minutes!

Ainsley wanted to hold you [laying down]
 before bed one night!

You are worth it.

Love you, Little Stud! You are my pause button in life.

-Momma

P.S. Lil' man--I can't tell you how many times, I've found myself saying/thinking, "How was all of that [you!] in there [my belly]?!" with the follow-up thought, "How did that come out of there?!" Babies are a miracle of life. You are a miracle of life.

The 2 Main Men in my Life