Mister

Another thing on this mind/heart? Chris. It's no secret, I like this man. I more than like this man. I am very much in love with this wonderful guy. I am more than in love with him actually, but those words are to be saved for a very special day. Anyways, his six months in Detroit was hard, but so good for our relationship. We learned a lot about ourselves together and individually. These past two week have been like an intensified time of missing him all over again. A week away with his best friend and now a week ministering to teens of the church we attend--both absolutely great things, but such a catch-22. [I think that is properly used, but I'll have to check with Amber on that.]


Anyways, missing Chris reminds me of how lucky I truly am. He is my favorite and the one that I look forward to spending the rest of my life with. We have absolutely no idea what that will look like, but we are excited and desire to simply do life with the ones we love.


Thinking about writing about Chris and us and the future just makes my brain scramble because my mind goes a thousand different directions and causes my heart to be filled with so many emotions. It's wonderful. It's a learning and growingperiod.


I'm learning what it means to be patient and to simply be. I've always been a planner. I want to know what I am going to do and when so that I can be ready for it. [I know part of that is probably a control thing as well. :S I'm working on it.] Lately though I am learning that planning and knowing isn't always necessary; I've got to step back and enjoy the journey. There are so many people in my life who are in such exciting times of their lives. Sometimes I just want to climb to the mountaintop and shout so the whole world knows how excited I am for them. Sometimes I just want them to 'hurry up' so that they are in the next 'stage' of their life and experiencing and enjoying that. I want to fast-forward my life too sometimes. Okay many times! I want to fast-forward and wake up next to Chris every morning. I want to fast forward and be done with my schooling. I want to fast forward and see breakthrough and not just the verge of it. Iwant to fast forward and be fulfilling our distant dreams. I want to fast forward and be doing that instead of simply doing this right now.


God's teaching me this right now and I really need to learn it, because I don't enjoy being taught it all the time. :-)


Before Chris left he gave me a letter, a story of the journey that we are on these two weeks while distance separates us. Although we knew that the time apart would be bittersweet he wrote:


'however, it was actually a time of discovery for both journeyers--to discover creation, discover God, discover more about who they are alone + together. these separate paths were also periods of needed refreshment + rejuvenation. though the times apart weren't completely enjoyable because of the distance between, they both realized those times were necessary for their growth, individually and together'


While he used those words to describe our bittersweet time apart, it adequately describe this time in my life when I am trying to learn how to enjoy the moment and be in the present versus looking to the future.


It's a work in progress. It's a journey. It's my journey.